Mama Say Mama Saw

We all know motherly advice.  One asks every time she sees her daughter if she’s had a productive bowel movement, reminding her to eat her fiber.  Another focuses on hydration.  Have you had your eight glasses?  My mom’s aunt would always call out “Come back like you went!”  In early years, she was referring to honesty and integrity.  Later, she was talking chastity.

Don’t talk to strangers, or swim right after eating. Wash your hands, don’t bite your fingernails.   

Oddly, my mother used to push shoulder pads.  After discovering that a sturdy set could make one’s neck look longer, she became a crusader.  Big interview?  Get your shoulder pads!  Feeling slouchy? Shoulder pads!

We desperately try to save our kids from mistake we’ve made.  My husband’s great grandmother repeatedly told him to take care of his teeth: brush twice a day, floss, don’t eat hard candy.   Having grown up in the age of poor dental hygiene, she knew what it meant to lose a mouthful of teeth.

The more we experience life, the more we become aware of what can go wrong.  Bend your knees if you stand too long.  And we just want to tell our children how to avoid some of the awful things we’ve seen.   Wear your seat belt, don’t hitchhike, and remember the solar glare!  Don’t answer the door, even if he’s wearing a gas company hat.  Never tell someone your social security number over the phone.  Don’t share drinks, or lick your hands after feeding a cow. 

Our awareness has been so heightened, even doctors, coaches and clergy are no longer automatically trusted.

Don’t leave your drink at a party.  Even if it’s just soda, someone can spike it or slip you a “roofie” and then assault you.  Never accept a drink from someone you don’t know, even if it’s in a can.   Wipe off all flip-top lids in case they’ve been tainted with drugs or poison.   This really creates pressure for those trying to follow mom’s other advice to stay hydrated.  

In this cruel world, I often wonder if I’ve underestimated the shoulder pad.  It does make you look bigger and perhaps more threatening.  Some of those outfits transform a petite woman into a linebacker.  You could also probably hide a weapon in one, a GPS locator in the other.  And let’s face it:  if you’re wearing shoulder pads, you have purpose.  You’re heading somewhere- to work, a seminar, your arraignment.  Someone is waiting or looking for you.  An assailant would definitely have trouble wrestling you to the ground or into a car if you were packing pads.

 As my daughter gets ready to go out, I anticipate the inevitable eye roll as I remind her not to set her drink down anywhere.  I know I only have a few moments to ply her with all the advice I think she may need for the night.  

And I feel a strong urge to slip her a few shoulder pads.

 

Megan Davis Collins, LICSW loves a good dose of motherly advice. Email her megdavcol@gmail.com